“Do not commit adultery.”
Matthew 5:27 “You have heard that our fathers were told, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ 28 But I tell you that a man who even looks at a woman with the purpose of lusting after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Yeshua tightened the screws on this commandment by going beyond actions and climbing directly into your thoughts. How tough is that?!
Even still, let’s see if we can unpack this a little to prove to ourselves once and for all that we are NOT guilty of adultery.
There are a few questions that naturally arise for me when reading this command and Yeshua’s follow up.
Here is my quest to sort this out.
The Heart
The Hebrew word for heart is leb (lamed bet). It is the place of your feelings, will and even intellect. It is considered to be the seat of thought and emotion. In the ancient picture language, a lamed is shepherd staff representing authority and bet represents what is inside. Combined these can be taken to mean: “the authority inside”
So that thing that drives you, motivates you, causes you to make poor decisions, causes you to think about yourself first -- that’s what we’re talking about here.
This thing called your heart is the real you.
This is why Abba wants His Torah in that place.
Jeremiah 31:32 (33) “For this is the covenant I will make with the house of Isra’el after those days,” says YHVH: “I will put my Torah within them and write it on their hearts; I will be their God, and they will be my people.”
If the Torah is written upon your heart you will motivate from His Word instead of your own selfishness. It will be your guide for all decisions you make in your own life and it will mean you are only seeking His will instead of your own. We can all agree this would be the ideal scenario for every person on earth, but why is it so hard to adapt it for ourselves?
If we look at where the Torah was originally located, we see that it was in the ark, under the Cherubim, under the presence of Abba Himself. This was all in the holiest place on earth, the Holy of Holies.
The Apostle Paul then tells us in 1 Corinthians 3 that we are now that temple and His Spirit dwells within us. If this is true, and the Torah is in our hearts, our heart must be in the Holy of Holies. More specifically, our heart must be the ark and Torah is inside of it. And the Spirit dwells in the same space.
If you do not have the Torah of the Spirit in your heart you will take the natural Torah of Sin and Death into the holiest place of all (see: Romans 8). And it will all become defiled. Your marriage with your spouse will be defiled. Your marriage with the Messiah will be defiled. The temple will be destroyed from within.
Adultery
What happens if you bring someone else into the marriage chamber?
There is only ever room for two people in this space. In the Tabernacle of your body, it is you and Abba (we’ll cover this aspect explicitly with the 2nd command). In the Tabernacle of your marriage, it is you and your spouse. Anything else brought into that space can be considered idolatry and will destroy intimacy.
This is why only Abba can know what is in a person’s heart. There is a veil that separates this relationship from even those close to us. We can only tell people about how intimate we are but only Abba and your spouse know the absolute truth. And this is where the deepest pain resides. A hurting heart and a broken covenant, is not easily mended. Moses had to go back up the mountain and start from scratch. So must we do if intimacy has gone away.
Lust
This word literally means “to wish for” and the picture means “a strong sigh” -- this is desire. It’s that deep breath where our breath is then taken away. We behold a sight that causes us to stand in amazement. It brings about a euphoric sensation that climbs up and down our spines. We want it. And we want it now.
We want this person in the Holiest of Holies. They will bring to our lives something that is clearly missing and it will catapult us into deep, deep intimacy. This really is what we desire. Intimacy. We aren’t really seeking this person but instead we are seeking the place this person will take us.
Now, if you haven’t been in the Holiest of Holies in a while, you will start to crave it. Desperately. And you will make very poor decisions in order to enter into intimacy.
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now to deal with the questions you wrote about: “Is it good for a man to keep away from women?” 2 Well, because of the danger of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give his wife what she is entitled to in the marriage relationship, and the wife should do the same for her husband. 4 The wife is not in charge of her own body, but her husband is; likewise, the husband is not in charge of his own body, but his wife is. 5 Do not deprive each other, except for a limited time, by mutual agreement, and then only so as to have extra time for prayer; but afterwards, come together again. Otherwise, because of your lack of self-control, you may succumb to the Adversary’s temptation.
A strong sigh.
Women
Since women are not explicitly mentioned by the Messiah, are they exempt from adultery?
Of course not! Both the man and woman are guilty.
Men are visual. This makes for very obvious physical evidence - porn. Why is porn so dangerous? Here it is: the women you see in this context will do anything you say. You are their master and they are your slave. They give you exactly what you want, whenever you want it. No investment is needed on your part. You don’t need to listen to them, have compassion for their struggles, or give of yourself on an emotional level in order to arouse their desire for you. It’s intimacy on demand. But a false intimacy.
Sadly, you begin viewing your actual wife as less than a “real” woman. Because those fantasy women do anything you want them to do. They are objects for your desire (sigh). But your wife is not like those online. They put up with your crap day in and day out. They tolerate being ignored, they may make you food, they may occasionally meet your physical needs. But there is no intimacy. Well, none worth celebrating, anyway.
Women, on the other hand, are emotional. This makes adultery in one’s heart more difficult to detect. In fact, it may just be the woman herself that can know when she’s guilty.
There is likely an emotional connection with another man (even if it isn’t an explicit relationship), or she’s attached to a false version of what a man should do (romance novels, tv shows, etc). She begins to view her husband as less than a man because she knows of other men that are better. So your man can never satisfy you like the fantasy version could. Your husband then struggles to find ways to enter in with you because you have given yourself to a false “perfect” man. One that artificially meets your need to be desired (sigh).
Now, if both of these are operational, the marriage can likely get along with no real problems. The man doesn’t need the woman and the woman doesn’t need the man. So they live outside of intimacy and they are fine with it. The fake version is good enough. Both bring something false into the marriage chamber and neither of them want to engage in true intimacy.
Singles
You all are exempt, correct? Don’t you wish!
These same actions prevent you from ever even getting into a relationship where intimacy reigns. So you are left selfishly meeting the needs that someone else has been equipped to do for you.
1 Corinthians 7:1 Now to deal with the questions you wrote about: “Is it good for a man to keep away from women?” 2 Well, because of the danger of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each woman her own husband.
Stop with the adultery in your heart and allow Abba to direct your path. If you are locked into this self-serving reality, it’s likely the spouse you do not yet have is under a similar bondage. Let Abba free you so they can perhaps become free, as well.
This isn’t science. Just observations from listening to people that are married now. Most of the time when they discuss their lives before marriage there is an eerie similarity in their backstory. But all of that is a discussion for another time.
So what does this all mean?
You are engaged in a very sacred relationship. One that Abba calls “one flesh” -- one being in His eyes. The deepest bond between people is in the marriage union. Your nakedness is exposed and you are incredibly vulnerable. Allowing someone else into the holiest place will destroy this union. Assuming someone else would have been a better choice is a dreadful mistake -- because your spouse may be thinking the same thing of you.
If you’re guilty, there is no room for shame here. Repent and ask Abba for forgiveness. Then get to work understanding the Tabernacle so you can understand yourself and your marriage.
A servant protects and values the sanctity of marriage. Do not violate sacred relationships.
Do not commit adultery.